Sau khi \u0111\u0103ng b\u00e0i v\u1ec1 \u201cKhuy\u1ebfn kh\u00edch v\u00e0 Mong \u0111\u1ee3i\u201d, t\u00f4i nh\u1eadn \u0111\u01b0\u1ee3c nhi\u1ec1u email t\u1eeb c\u00e1c h\u1ecdc sinh. M\u1ed9t s\u1ed1 ng\u01b0\u1eddi \u0111\u1ed3ng \u00fd v\u00e0 m\u1ed9t s\u1ed1 ng\u01b0\u1eddi kh\u00f4ng \u0111\u1ed3ng \u00fd v\u1edbi t\u00f4i v\u1ec1 b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 v\u00e0 con c\u00e1i c\u1ea7n c\u00f3 \u201c\u0111\u1ed1i tho\u1ea1i m\u1edf\u201d \u0111\u1ec3 th\u1ea3o lu\u1eadn v\u1ec1 tu\u1ef3 ch\u1ecdn ngh\u1ec1 nghi\u1ec7p. M\u1ed9t h\u1ecdc sinh vi\u1ebft: \u201cV\u1edbi th\u1ea7y th\u00ec d\u1ec5 vi\u1ebft r\u1eb1ng b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 s\u1ebd l\u1eafng nghe con h\u1ecd. S\u1ef1 ki\u1ec7n l\u00e0 b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 em ngh\u0129 h\u1ecd bi\u1ebft th\u1ea1o h\u01a1n em. H\u1ecd mu\u1ed1n em v\u00e0o \u0111\u1ea1i h\u1ecdc h\u00e0ng \u0111\u1ea7u v\u00e0 h\u1ecdc Khoa h\u1ecdc m\u00e1y t\u00ednh v\u00ec em c\u00f3 th\u1ec3 l\u00e0m ra nhi\u1ec1u ti\u1ec1n sau khi t\u1ed1t nghi\u1ec7p. V\u1edbi h\u1ecd v\u00e0o \u0111\u1ea1i h\u1ecdc h\u00e0ng \u0111\u1ea7u v\u1edbi b\u1eb1ng Khoa h\u1ecdc m\u00e1y t\u00ednh gi\u1ed1ng nh\u01b0 \u0111o\u1ea1t c\u00fap b\u00f3ng \u0111\u00e1 th\u1ebf gi\u1edbi \u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
T\u00f4i vi\u1ebft l\u1ea1i cho em \u0111\u00f3: \u201cB\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 em y\u00eau em v\u00e0 h\u1ecd tin r\u1eb1ng v\u00e0o \u0111\u1ea1i h\u1ecdc h\u00e0ng \u0111\u1ea7u v\u00e0 h\u1ecdc Khoa h\u1ecdc m\u00e1y t\u00ednh l\u00e0 \u0111\u1ea3m b\u1ea3o cho t\u01b0\u01a1ng lai c\u1ee7a em. V\u1ea5n \u0111\u1ec1 l\u00e0 h\u1ecd kh\u00f4ng bi\u1ebft m\u1ed1i quan t\u00e2m v\u00e0 n\u0103ng l\u1ef1c c\u1ee7a em. Kh\u00f4ng bi\u1ebft n\u0103ng l\u1ef1c c\u1ee7a em, y\u00eau c\u1ea7u em v\u00e0o \u0111\u1ea1i h\u1ecdc h\u00e0ng \u0111\u1ea7u c\u00f3 th\u1ec3 l\u00e0 th\u1ea3m ho\u1ea1. Kh\u00f4ng d\u1ec5 \u0111\u01b0\u1ee3c ch\u1ea5p nh\u1eadn v\u00e0o \u0111\u1ea1i h\u1ecdc h\u00e0ng \u0111\u1ea7u nh\u01b0ng cho d\u00f9 em v\u00e0o \u0111\u01b0\u1ee3c, n\u00f3 y\u00eau c\u1ea7u nhi\u1ec1u n\u1ed7 l\u1ef1c \u0111\u1ec3 h\u1ecdc t\u1ed1t trong l\u0129nh v\u1ef1c m\u00e0 em c\u00f3 th\u1ec3 kh\u00f4ng quan t\u00e2m t\u1edbi.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cL\u00ed do b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 em ngh\u0129 tr\u01b0\u1eddng h\u00e0ng \u0111\u1ea7u l\u00e0 quan tr\u1ecdng l\u00e0 v\u00ec x\u00e3 h\u1ed9i c\u1ee7a em \u0111\u00e1nh gi\u00e1 cao b\u1eb1ng c\u1ea5p t\u1eeb c\u00e1c tr\u01b0\u1eddng h\u00e0ng \u0111\u1ea7u. C\u00f3 th\u1ec3 l\u00e0 khi b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 em v\u00e0o tu\u1ed5i em, \u0111\u00e3 ch\u1ec9 c\u00f3 v\u00e0i ng\u01b0\u1eddi c\u00f3 th\u1ec3 v\u00e0o \u0111\u1ea1i h\u1ecdc h\u00e0ng \u0111\u1ea7u cho n\u00ean v\u1edbi h\u1ecd \u0111\u00f3 l\u00e0 m\u1ed9t y\u1ebfu t\u1ed1 quan tr\u1ecdng. C\u00f3 th\u1ec3 b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 em ch\u00fa \u00fd t\u1edbi \u0111i\u1ec1u ng\u01b0\u1eddi kh\u00e1c ngh\u0129 v\u1ec1 con c\u00e1i h\u1ecd cho n\u00ean c\u00f3 em v\u00e0o \u0111\u1ea1i h\u1ecdc h\u00e0ng \u0111\u1ea7u v\u00e0 h\u1ecdc l\u0129nh v\u1ef1c t\u1ed1t nh\u1ea5t nh\u01b0 Y h\u1ecdc hay K\u0129 ngh\u1ec7 \u0111\u00e3 tr\u1edf th\u00e0nh ni\u1ec1m t\u1ef1 h\u00e0o c\u1ee7a h\u1ecd. Ki\u1ec3u l\u1eabn l\u1ed9n n\u00e0y c\u0169ng l\u00e0m cho em l\u00e2m v\u00e0o xung \u0111\u1ed9t. \u0110\u00f3 l\u00e0 l\u00ed do t\u1ea1i sao c\u00f3 \u201c\u0111\u1ed1i tho\u1ea1i m\u1edf\u201d l\u00e0 c\u00e1ch t\u1ed1t nh\u1ea5t cho c\u1ea3 hai ph\u00eda hi\u1ec3u v\u1ea5n \u0111\u1ec1 v\u00e0 bi\u1ebft l\u1eabn nhau t\u1ed1t h\u01a1n.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201c\u0110\u1ec3 c\u00f3 \u201c\u0111\u1ed1i tho\u1ea1i m\u1edf\u201d, em c\u1ea7n duy tr\u00ec b\u00ecnh t\u0129nh v\u00e0 l\u1eafng nghe quan \u0111i\u1ec3m c\u1ee7a h\u1ecd tr\u01b0\u1edbc. Cho h\u1ecd c\u01a1 h\u1ed9i gi\u1ea3i th\u00edch m\u1ed1i quan t\u00e2m v\u00e0 mong \u0111\u1ee3i c\u1ee7a h\u1ecd r\u1eb1ng h\u1ecd mu\u1ed1n \u0111i\u1ec1u t\u1ed1t nh\u1ea5t cho em. Ho\u1eb7c em hi\u1ec3u l\u1ea7m \u00fd \u0111\u1ecbnh c\u1ee7a h\u1ecd, ho\u1eb7c h\u1ecd kh\u00f4ng bi\u1ebft em c\u1ea3m th\u1ea5y th\u1ebf n\u00e0o. B\u1ea5t k\u00ec tr\u01b0\u1eddng h\u1ee3p n\u00e0o, ch\u1eebng n\u00e0o em ch\u01b0a nghe quan \u0111i\u1ec3m c\u1ee7a h\u1ecd, em s\u1ebd kh\u00f4ng bao gi\u1edd bi\u1ebft. Em c\u00f3 th\u1ec3 h\u1ecfi c\u00e1c c\u00e2u h\u1ecfi \u0111\u1ec3 l\u00e0m s\u00e1ng t\u1ecf quan \u0111i\u1ec3m c\u1ee7a h\u1ecd \u0111\u1ec3 cho em hi\u1ec3u h\u1ecd r\u00f5 h\u01a1n. N\u1ebfu em kh\u00f4ng th\u00edch \u0111i\u1ec1u h\u1ecd n\u00f3i, v\u1eabn gi\u1eef b\u00ecnh t\u0129nh \u0111\u1ec3 tr\u00e1nh b\u1ea5t k\u00ec lu\u1eadn c\u1ee9 n\u00e0o ki\u1ec3u nh\u01b0 n\u00f3i \u201cB\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 l\u00e0m con ph\u1ea3i l\u00e0m \u0111i\u1ec1u n\u00e0y \u2026\u201d hay \u201cCon kh\u00f4ng th\u00edch \u0111i\u1ec1u n\u00e0y \u2026\u201d Thay v\u00ec th\u1ebf, em n\u00f3i \u201cCon hi\u1ec3u \u0111i\u1ec1u b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 mu\u1ed1n v\u00e0 \u0111\u00e1nh gi\u00e1 cao r\u1eb1ng b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 ch\u0103m nom cho con. Con bi\u1ebft b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 mu\u1ed1n \u0111i\u1ec1u t\u1ed1t nh\u1ea5t cho con… nh\u01b0ng.\u201d Th\u1ebf r\u1ed3i gi\u1ea3i th\u00edch quan \u0111i\u1ec3m c\u1ee7a em theo c\u00e1ch b\u00ecnh t\u0129nh. \u0110\u1ed1i tho\u1ea1i m\u1edf KH\u00d4NG CH\u1ec8 l\u00e0 v\u1ec1 gi\u1ea3i th\u00edch quan \u0111i\u1ec3m c\u1ee7a em M\u00c0 C\u00d2N ch\u1ec9 cho h\u1ecd em \u0111\u00e1nh gi\u00e1 cao h\u1ecd th\u1ebf n\u00e0o n\u1eefa. \u0110i\u1ec1u \u0111\u00f3 s\u1ebd kh\u00f4ng lan truy\u1ec1n v\u1ea5n \u0111\u1ec1 n\u00e0o v\u1ec1 sau.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEm c\u1ea7n n\u00f3i r\u00f5 r\u00e0ng cho b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 em v\u1ec1 m\u1ed1i quan t\u00e2m c\u1ee7a em v\u00e0 c\u1ed1 h\u1ebft s\u1ee9c kh\u00f4ng \u0111\u1ec3 c\u0103ng th\u1eb3ng hay x\u00fac \u0111\u1ed9ng kh\u00e1c n\u1ed5i l\u00ean trong em. B\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 em s\u1ebd \u1ee7ng h\u1ed9 em n\u1ebfu h\u1ecd hi\u1ec3u quan \u0111i\u1ec3m c\u1ee7a em, nh\u01b0ng h\u1ecd s\u1ebd kh\u00f4ng hi\u1ec3u n\u1ebfu em c\u00e3i l\u1ea1i h\u1ecd. Trong th\u1ea3o lu\u1eadn m\u1edf \u0111\u1ea7u ti\u00ean, kh\u00f4ng ph\u1ea3i m\u1ecdi ng\u01b0\u1eddi s\u1ebd r\u00f5 r\u00e0ng, \u0111\u1eb7c bi\u1ec7t n\u1ebfu c\u00e1i g\u00ec \u0111\u00f3 v\u1eabn l\u00e0m h\u1ecd b\u1eadn t\u00e2m. Em c\u1ea7n \u0111\u1ec3 cho h\u1ecd bi\u1ebft r\u1eb1ng \u0111\u1ed1i tho\u1ea1i n\u00e0y KH\u00d4NG L\u00c0 CHUNG CU\u1ed8C v\u00ec c\u1ea3 hai b\u00ean \u0111\u1ec1u c\u1ea7n nhi\u1ec1u th\u1eddi gian h\u01a1n \u0111\u1ec3 \u0111\u00e1nh gi\u00e1 c\u00e1c tu\u1ef3 ch\u1ecdn. \u0110\u1ed1i tho\u1ea1i m\u1edf n\u00ean ti\u1ebfp t\u1ee5c M\u1ede khi c\u1ea3 hai b\u00ean h\u1ecdc l\u1eafng nghe v\u00e0 KH\u00d4NG \u0111i v\u00e0o quy\u1ebft \u0111\u1ecbnh. N\u00f3 c\u00f3 th\u1ec3 kh\u00f4ng tho\u1ea3i m\u00e1i l\u00fac b\u1eaft \u0111\u1ea7u nh\u01b0ng n\u00f3 ph\u1ea3i r\u00f5 r\u00e0ng v\u1ec1 quan \u0111i\u1ec3m c\u1ee7a nhau. N\u1ebfu m\u1ed9t b\u00ean gi\u1eef im l\u1eb7ng, v\u1ea5n \u0111\u1ec1 c\u00f3 th\u1ec3 ti\u1ebfp t\u1ee5c d\u1ef1ng l\u00ean b\u00ean trong v\u00e0 l\u1ea9y c\u00f2 cho gi\u1eadn d\u1eef v\u1ec1 sau.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cC\u00f3 th\u1ec3 ph\u1ea3i c\u00f3 v\u00e0i l\u1ea7n th\u1ea3o lu\u1eadn m\u1edf \u0111\u1ec3 hi\u1ec3u c\u00e1c c\u1ea3nh quan kh\u00e1c nh\u01b0ng em c\u1ea7n hi\u1ec3u r\u1eb1ng b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 em mu\u1ed1n \u0111i\u1ec1u t\u1ed1t nh\u1ea5t cho em. V\u00ec h\u1ecd c\u00f3 th\u1ec3 \u0111i theo truy\u1ec1n th\u1ed1ng r\u1eb1ng \u201cB\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 lu\u00f4n \u0111\u00fang\u201d m\u00e0 c\u00f3 th\u1ec3 kh\u00f4ng \u0111\u00fang trong th\u1eddi hi\u1ec7n \u0111\u1ea1i n\u00e0y, em v\u1eabn c\u1ea7n hi\u1ec3u r\u1eb1ng b\u1ea5t k\u00ec \u0111i\u1ec1u g\u00ec h\u1ecd l\u00e0m, n\u00f3 \u0111\u1ec1u d\u1ef1a tr\u00ean t\u00ecnh y\u00eau c\u1ee7a h\u1ecd v\u00e0 vi\u1ec7c ch\u0103m s\u00f3c cho em v\u00e0 em ph\u1ea3i \u0111\u00e1nh gi\u00e1 cao \u0111i\u1ec1u \u0111\u00f3.\u201d<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
—English version—<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Open conversation with Parents<\/p>\n
After posting the article about \u201cEncouragement and Expectation\u201d, I received several emails from students. Some agreed and some disagreed with me about parents and children need to have \u201copen conversation\u201d to discuss career options. A student wrote: \u201cIt is easy for you to write that parents would listen to their children. The fact is my parents think they know better than me. They want me to go to the top university and study Computer Science because I can make a lot of money after graduation. To them getting to a top university with a Computer Science degree is like winning the World cup\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
I wrote back to him: \u201cYour parents love you and they believe that getting into a top school and study Computer Science is guaranteed for your future. The problem is they do not know your interest and abilities. Without knowing your abilities, asking you to go to a top school could be a disaster. It is not easy to get accepted to a top university but even if you get in, it requires a lot of efforts to do well in the field that you may not interest in.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe reason your parents think the top school is important because of your society values degrees from top schools. It is possible that when your parents were at your age, there were only a few people who could go to top universities so to them it is an important factor. Maybe your parents pay attention to what others think about their children so having you go to a top school and study the best fields such as Medicine or Engineering has become their pride. This type of confusion also gets you into a conflict. That is why having an \u201copen conversation\u201d is still the best way for both sides to understand the issues and knowing each other better.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTo have an \u201copen conversation\u201d, you need to stay calm and listen to their view first. Give them a chance to explain their interest and expectations knowing that they want the best for you. Either you misinterpreting their intention, or they do not know how you feel. Whatever the case, unless you hear their view, you will never know. You may ask questions to clarify their view so you understand them better. If you do not like what they say, stay calm to avoid any argument such as saying\u00a0 \u201cYou make me do this \u2026\u201d or \u201cI do not like this \u2026\u201d Instead, you say \u201cI understand what you want and appreciate that your care for me. I know you want the best for me ..but.\u201d Then explain your view in a calm manner. An open conversation is NOT ONLY about explaining your view BUT ALSO showing them just how much you appreciate them too. It would diffuse any issue later.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou need to speak clearly to your parents about your interest and try your best not to let stress or other emotional get to you. Your parents will support you if they understand your view, but they will not if you argue with them. During the first open discussion, not everyone will be clear, especially if something is still bothering them. You need to let them know that this conversation is NOT FINAL as both sides need more time to think and evaluate the options. An open conversation should be continuously OPEN when both sides learn to listen and NOT get into a decision. It may be uncomfortable in the beginning but it must be clear about each other\u2019s view. If one side keeps silent, the issues may continue to build inside and trigger some anger later.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt may take several open discussions to understand different perspective but you need to understand that your parents want the best for you. Since they may follow the tradition that \u201cParents always right\u201d which may not be correct in this modern time, you still need to understand that whatever they do, it is based on their love and care for you and you must appreciate it.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Sau khi \u0111\u0103ng b\u00e0i v\u1ec1 \u201cKhuy\u1ebfn kh\u00edch v\u00e0 Mong \u0111\u1ee3i\u201d, t\u00f4i nh\u1eadn \u0111\u01b0\u1ee3c nhi\u1ec1u email t\u1eeb c\u00e1c h\u1ecdc sinh. M\u1ed9t s\u1ed1 ng\u01b0\u1eddi \u0111\u1ed3ng \u00fd v\u00e0 … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18,30],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5894","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-loi-khuyen-cho-sinh-vien","category-hoi-va-dap"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5894","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5894"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5894\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5895,"href":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5894\/revisions\/5895"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5894"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5894"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5894"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}