{"id":2736,"date":"2013-07-06T20:59:45","date_gmt":"2013-07-06T13:59:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/science-technology.vn\/?p=2736"},"modified":"2013-07-06T20:59:45","modified_gmt":"2013-07-06T13:59:45","slug":"quan-he-va-tinh-thuong-yeu","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/?p=2736","title":{"rendered":"Quan h\u1ec7 v\u00e0 t\u00ecnh th\u01b0\u01a1ng y\u00eau"},"content":{"rendered":"

T\u00f4i nh\u1eadn \u0111\u01b0\u1ee3c m\u1ed9t email t\u1eeb m\u1ed9t ng\u01b0\u1eddi ph\u00e1t tri\u1ec3n ph\u1ea7n m\u1ec1m: \u201cT\u00f4i th\u00edch blog c\u1ee7a th\u1ea7y nh\u01b0ng kh\u00f4ng \u0111\u1ed3ng \u00fd v\u1edbi quan \u0111i\u1ec3m c\u1ee7a th\u1ea7y v\u1ec1 m\u1ed1i quan h\u1ec7 v\u1edbi b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9. M\u1ea5y n\u0103m tr\u01b0\u1edbc t\u00f4i \u0111\u00e3 r\u1eddi kh\u1ecfi nh\u00e0 l\u00ean \u0111\u1ea1i h\u1ecdc n\u01a1i t\u00f4i \u0111\u00e3 t\u1ed1t nghi\u1ec7p v\u00e0 b\u00e2y gi\u1edd l\u00e0m vi\u1ec7c cho m\u1ed9t c\u00f4ng ti ph\u1ea7n m\u1ec1m l\u00e0m ng\u01b0\u1eddi qu\u1ea3n l\u00ed. T\u00f4i \u0111\u00e3 tr\u01b0\u1edfng th\u00e0nh l\u00e0 ng\u01b0\u1eddi l\u1edbn nh\u01b0ng khi t\u00f4i v\u1ec1 nh\u00e0, b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 t\u00f4i v\u1eabn coi t\u00f4i nh\u01b0 ‘tr\u1ebb con”, \u0111i\u1ec1u \u0111\u00f3 l\u00e0m t\u00f4i b\u1ef1c m\u00ecnh. T\u00f4i ngh\u0129 t\u00f4i kh\u00f4ng th\u1ec3 c\u00f3 m\u1ed1i quan h\u1ec7 t\u1ed1t v\u1edbi cha m\u1eb9 t\u00f4i \u0111\u01b0\u1ee3c.\u201d \u00a0 \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

T\u00f4i kh\u00f4ng mu\u1ed1n th\u1ea3o lu\u1eadn v\u1ec1 m\u1ed1i quan h\u1ec7 trong blog c\u1ee7a t\u00f4i v\u00ec t\u00f4i coi chuy\u1ec7n \u0111\u00f3 l\u00e0 chuy\u1ec7n c\u00e1 nh\u00e2n. Tuy nhi\u00ean, sau khi \u0111\u1ecdc email n\u00e0y nhi\u1ec1u l\u1ea7n, t\u00f4i quy\u1ebft \u0111\u1ecbnh tr\u1ea3 l\u1eddi b\u1ea1n \u1ea5y v\u00e0 sau \u0111\u00e2y l\u00e0 c\u00e2u tr\u1ea3 l\u1eddi c\u1ee7a t\u00f4i:<\/p>\n

B\u1ea1n c\u00f3 ngh\u0129 r\u1eb1ng b\u1eb1ng vi\u1ec7c t\u1ed1t nghi\u1ec7p \u0111\u1ea1i h\u1ecdc v\u00e0 l\u00e0m vi\u1ec7c nh\u01b0 ng\u01b0\u1eddi qu\u1ea3n l\u00ed ph\u1ea7n m\u1ec1m b\u1ea1n b\u00e2y gi\u1edd \u0111\u00e3 l\u00e0 “ng\u01b0\u1eddi l\u1edbn” kh\u00f4ng? B\u1ea1n mu\u1ed1n \u0111\u01b0\u1ee3c \u0111\u1ed1i x\u1eed nh\u01b0 “ng\u01b0\u1eddi l\u1edbn” l\u00e0 nh\u01b0 th\u1ebf n\u00e0o? B\u1ea1n c\u00f3 cho r\u1eb1ng b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 b\u1ea1n n\u00ean g\u1ecdi b\u1ea1n l\u00e0 \u201c\u00f4ng qu\u1ea3n l\u00ed\u201d kh\u00f4ng? B\u1ea1n c\u00f3 cho r\u1eb1ng b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 ph\u1ea3i \u0111\u1ed1i x\u1eed v\u1edbi con h\u1ecd nh\u01b0 ‘ai \u0111\u00f3” ch\u1ee9 KH\u00d4NG l\u00e0 “con” h\u1ecd kh\u00f4ng? V\u1edbi m\u1ecdi b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9, con h\u1ecd bao gi\u1edd c\u0169ng “tr\u1ebb con” ch\u1eb3ng th\u00e0nh v\u1ea5n \u0111\u1ec1 b\u1ea1n l\u1edbn bao nhi\u00eau hay b\u1ea1n “ng\u01b0\u1eddi l\u1edbn” th\u1ebf n\u00e0o. Xin hi\u1ec3u cho \u0111i\u1ec1u n\u00e0y:\u00a0 KH\u00d4NG th\u00e0nh v\u1ea5n \u0111\u1ec1 li\u1ec7u b\u1ea1n 18 hay 25 tu\u1ed5i, KH\u00d4NG th\u00e0nh v\u1ea5n \u0111\u1ec1 li\u1ec7u b\u1ea1n 55 hay 60 tu\u1ed5i \u2013 B\u1ea0N v\u1eabn l\u00e0 CON h\u1ecd. B\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 80 tu\u1ed5i bao gi\u1edd c\u0169ng coi con 60 tu\u1ed5i c\u1ee7a m\u00ecnh l\u00e0 “tr\u1ebb con” v\u00ec H\u1ecc L\u00c0 B\u1ed0 M\u1eb8. B\u1ea1n n\u00ean m\u1eebng l\u00e0 b\u1ea1n v\u1eabn c\u00f2n b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 th\u01b0\u01a1ng y\u00eau b\u1ea1n. \u0110i\u1ec1u quan tr\u1ecdng v\u1edbi b\u1ea1n l\u00e0 t\u1edbi th\u0103m b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 m\u00ecnh th\u01b0\u1eddng xuy\u00ean v\u00e0 hi\u1ec3u h\u1ecd nhi\u1ec1u h\u01a1n v\u00ec th\u1eddi gian tr\u00f4i nhanh, m\u1ed9t ng\u00e0y n\u00e0o \u0111\u00f3 b\u1ea1n c\u00f3 th\u1ec3 c\u1ea3m th\u1ea5y ti\u1ebfc l\u00e0 b\u1ea1n b\u1ecf l\u1ee1 c\u01a1 h\u1ed9i khi h\u1ecd v\u1eabn c\u00f2n s\u1ed1ng.<\/p>\n

T\u00f4i tin r\u1eb1ng \u1edf g\u1ea7n b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 b\u1ea1n l\u00e0 c\u00e1ch \u0111\u1ec3 hi\u1ec3u b\u1ea3n th\u00e2n b\u1ea1n \u1edf m\u1ee9c r\u1ea5t s\u00e2u. Nh\u01b0 t\u00f4i \u0111\u00e3 n\u00f3i t\u1edbi trong b\u00e0i vi\u1ebft tr\u01b0\u1edbc, b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 b\u1ea1n v\u00e0 b\u1ea1n l\u00e0 t\u1eeb c\u00e1c th\u1ebf h\u1ec7 kh\u00e1c nhau v\u00e0 c\u00f3 kho\u1ea3ng h\u1edf gi\u1eefa hai th\u1ebf h\u1ec7. \u0110\u1ec3 b\u1eafc c\u1ea7u qua kho\u1ea3ng h\u1edf \u0111\u00f3, b\u1ea1n c\u1ea7n th\u1eddi gian v\u00e0 nhi\u1ec1u hi\u1ec3u bi\u1ebft. \u0110\u00f3 kh\u00f4ng ph\u1ea3i l\u00e0 c\u00e1i g\u00ec \u0111\u00f3 b\u1ea1n s\u1ebd hi\u1ec3u ra ng\u00e0y h\u00f4m nay hay tu\u1ea7n t\u1edbi, hay th\u1eadm ch\u00ed n\u0103m t\u1edbi b\u1edfi v\u00ec \u0111i\u1ec1u \u0111\u00f3 S\u1ebc KH\u00d4NG x\u1ea3y ra. B\u1ea1n KH\u00d4NG TH\u1ef0C S\u1ef0 BI\u1ebeT \u0111\u01b0\u1ee3c b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 m\u00ecnh ch\u1eebng n\u00e0o b\u1ea3n th\u00e2n b\u1ea1n c\u00f2n ch\u01b0a tr\u1edf th\u00e0nh b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9. T\u00f4i kh\u00f4ng bi\u1ebft c\u00e1ch gi\u1ea3i th\u00edch \u0111i\u1ec1u n\u00e0y t\u1ed1t h\u01a1n cho n\u00ean l\u1eddi khuy\u00ean c\u1ee7a t\u00f4i l\u00e0 b\u1ea1n n\u00ean r\u1ea5t l\u01b0u t\u00e2m v\u1ec1 \u0111i\u1ec1u l\u00e0m cho b\u1ea1n b\u1ef1c m\u00ecnh. C\u01a1 s\u1edf c\u1ee7a \u0111i\u1ec1u b\u1ea1n b\u1ef1c m\u00ecnh s\u1ebd cho b\u1ea1n c\u00e1i nh\u00ecn s\u00e2u s\u1eafc v\u00e0o trong b\u1ea1n l\u00e0 ai v\u00e0 b\u1ea1n s\u1ebd l\u00e0 ai trong m\u1ed1i quan h\u1ec7 n\u00e0y v\u1ec1 sau.<\/p>\n

T\u00f4i tin r\u1eb1ng m\u1ecdi l\u1ed7i l\u1ea7m b\u1ea1n hi\u1ec7n th\u1ea5y trong b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 m\u00ecnh, b\u1ea1n s\u1ebd h\u00e0nh \u0111\u1ed9ng gi\u1ed1ng h\u1ec7t theo c\u00f9ng c\u00e1ch v\u1edbi con b\u1ea1n. T\u00f4i ch\u1eafc ch\u1eafn con b\u1ea1n c\u00f3 l\u1ebd s\u1ebd c\u1ea3m th\u1ea5y c\u00f9ng \u0111i\u1ec1u \u0111\u00f3 khi ch\u00fang l\u1edbn l\u00ean khi b\u1ea1n gi\u00e0 \u0111i. D\u1ec5 ngh\u0129 r\u1eb1ng b\u1ea1n s\u1ebd h\u00e0nh \u0111\u1ed9ng kh\u00e1c \u0111i, nh\u01b0ng khi b\u1ea1n tr\u1edf th\u00e0nh b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 b\u1ea1n s\u1ebd h\u00e0nh \u0111\u1ed9ng h\u1ec7t nh\u01b0 b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 b\u1ea1n h\u00f4m nay. L\u00ed do \u0111\u01a1n gi\u1ea3n l\u00e0 b\u1edfi v\u00ec b\u1ea1n c\u00f3 CH\u0102M NOM v\u00e0 Y\u00caU TH\u01af\u01a0NG con b\u1ea1n. Kh\u00f4ng th\u00e0nh v\u1ea5n \u0111\u1ec1 li\u1ec7u b\u1ea1n ch\u1ecdn h\u00e0nh \u0111\u1ed9ng gi\u1ed1ng \u0111i\u1ec1u \u0111\u00f3 hay kh\u00f4ng, m\u1ecdi \u0111i\u1ec1u b\u1ea1n ngh\u0129 b\u00e2y gi\u1edd b\u1ea1n S\u1ebc h\u00e0nh \u0111\u1ed9ng kh\u00e1c v\u1ec1 sau b\u1edfi v\u00ec m\u1ecdi ph\u1ea3n \u1ee9ng c\u1ee7a b\u1ea1n v\u1edbi b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 m\u00ecnh \u0111ang x\u1ea3y ra b\u00ean trong b\u1ea3n th\u00e2n b\u1ea1n. B\u1ea1n c\u00e0ng l\u01b0u t\u00e2m v\u1ec1 x\u00fac \u0111\u1ed9ng c\u1ee7a m\u00ecnh h\u00f4m nay b\u1ea1n s\u1ebd c\u00e0ng hi\u1ec3u b\u1ea3n th\u00e2n m\u00ecnh t\u1ed1t h\u01a1n v\u00e0 \u0111\u00f3 l\u00e0 qu\u00e1 tr\u00ecnh “tr\u01b0\u1edfng th\u00e0nh”.<\/p>\n

Xin xem x\u00e9t \u0111i\u1ec1u n\u00e0y: B\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 b\u1ea1n y\u00eau th\u01b0\u01a1ng b\u1ea1n, h\u1ecd ch\u0103m nom b\u1ea1n, nu\u00f4i n\u1ea5ng b\u1ea1n v\u00e0 h\u1ed7 tr\u1ee3 b\u1ea1n. B\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 b\u1ea1n KH\u00d4NG mong \u0111\u1ee3i c\u00e1i g\u00ec \u1edf b\u1ea1n tr\u1eeb vi\u1ec7c l\u00e0 “con c\u1ee7a h\u1ecd”. B\u1eb1ng c\u1ea5p c\u1ee7a b\u1ea1n trong khoa h\u1ecdc m\u00e1y t\u00ednh v\u00e0 vi\u1ec7c qu\u1ea3n l\u00ed c\u1ee7a b\u1ea1n trong c\u00f4ng ti ph\u1ea7n m\u1ec1m KH\u00d4NG L\u00c0 G\u00cc so v\u1edbi t\u00ecnh th\u01b0\u01a1ng y\u00eau c\u1ee7a b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 b\u1ea1n. \u0110\u1eeaNG l\u1ea7m \u0111i\u1ec1u b\u1ea1n \u0111\u00e3 th\u00e0nh \u0111\u1ea1t l\u00e0 quan tr\u1ecdng h\u01a1n t\u00ecnh th\u01b0\u01a1ng y\u00eau c\u1ee7a b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 b\u1ea1n. B\u1ea1n KH\u00d4NG l\u00e0 “ng\u01b0\u1eddi l\u1edbn” \u0111\u00e2u n\u1ebfu b\u1ea1n KH\u00d4NG hi\u1ec3u “t\u00ecnh th\u01b0\u01a1ng y\u00eau”. Kh\u00f4ng ai c\u00f3 th\u1ec3 th\u01b0\u01a1ng y\u00eau n\u1ebfu h\u1ecd KH\u00d4NG nh\u1eadn \u0111\u01b0\u1ee3c t\u00ecnh th\u01b0\u01a1ng y\u00eau v\u00e0 b\u1ea1n kh\u00f4ng bi\u1ebft c\u00e1ch th\u01b0\u01a1ng y\u00eau n\u1ebfu b\u1ea1n kh\u00f4ng \u0111\u01b0\u1ee3c th\u01b0\u01a1ng y\u00eau. B\u1ea1n c\u1ea7n bi\u1ebft r\u1eb1ng b\u1ea1n \u0111\u01b0\u1ee3c b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 b\u1ea1n th\u01b0\u01a1ng y\u00eau, b\u1ea1n c\u0169ng n\u00ean hi\u1ec3u r\u1eb1ng t\u00ecnh th\u01b0\u01a1ng y\u00eau c\u1ee7a h\u1ecd l\u00e0 v\u00f4 \u0111i\u1ec1u ki\u1ec7n v\u00e0 trong cu\u1ed9c \u0111\u1eddi m\u00ecnh b\u1ea1n kh\u00f4ng bao gi\u1edd c\u00f3 th\u1ec3 y\u00eau h\u1ecd nhi\u1ec1u h\u01a1n h\u1ecd y\u00eau b\u1ea1n. \u0110\u00f3 l\u00e0 s\u1ef1 th\u1ef1c.<\/p>\n

V\u0103n ho\u00e1 c\u1ee7a ch\u00fang ta bao gi\u1edd c\u0169ng coi \u0111\u1ea1o l\u00e0m con v\u1edbi b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 l\u00e0 \u0111i\u1ec1u quan tr\u1ecdng nh\u1ea5t tr\u00ean \u0111\u1eddi, \u0110\u1eeaNG qu\u00ean \u0111i\u1ec1u \u0111\u00f3. \u0110i\u1ec1u b\u1ea1n h\u1ecdc trong c\u00f4ng ngh\u1ec7 s\u1ebd k\u00e9o d\u00e0i v\u00e0i n\u0103m r\u1ed3i c\u00f4ng ngh\u1ec7 s\u1ebd thay \u0111\u1ed5i, \u0111i\u1ec1u b\u1ea1n \u0111\u00e3 th\u00e0nh \u0111\u1ea1t c\u0169ng s\u1ebd thay \u0111\u1ed5i nh\u01b0 ch\u1ee9c v\u1ee5 s\u1ebd thay \u0111\u1ed5i c\u00f9ng th\u1eddi gian nh\u01b0ng v\u0103n ho\u00e1 c\u1ee7a ch\u00fang ta, di s\u1ea3n k\u1ebf th\u1eeba c\u1ee7a ch\u00fang ta \u0111\u00e3 k\u00e9o d\u00e0i h\u00e0ng ngh\u00ecn n\u0103m s\u1ebd KH\u00d4NG thay \u0111\u1ed5i. T\u00ecnh th\u01b0\u01a1ng y\u00eau c\u1ee7a b\u1ed1 m\u1eb9 v\u1edbi con c\u00e1i s\u1ebd KH\u00d4NG BAO GI\u1edc thay \u0111\u1ed5i. L\u00e0 “ng\u01b0\u1eddi l\u1edbn” b\u1ea1n n\u00ean tinh kh\u00f4n \u0111\u1ec3 bi\u1ebft s\u1ef1 kh\u00e1c bi\u1ec7t n\u00e0y.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

—-English version—-<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Relationship and love<\/p>\n

I received an email from a software developer: \u201cI like your blog but do not agree with your view about the relationship with parents. Several years ago, I left home to attend university where I graduated and now working for a software company as a manger. I have grown up as an adult but when I return home, my parents are still treating me like a \u201cBaby\u201d, it makes me angry. I do not think I can have good relationship with my parents\u201d.<\/p>\n

I do not want to discuss relationship in my blog as I consider it a personal matter. However, after reread the email several times, I decided to answer him and following is my answer: \u201cDo you think that by graduate from university and work as a software manager you are now a \u201cGrown-up\u201d person? How do you want to be treated as an \u201cGrown-up\u201d? Do you think your parents should call you \u201cMr. Manager\u201d? Do you think parents should treat their children as \u201cSomebody\u201d and NOT their \u201cSon\u201d? To every parents, their children are always \u201cBabies\u201d no matter how old you are or how \u201cGrown up\u201d you are. Please understand this:\u00a0 It does NOT matter whether you are 18 or 25, it does NOT matter whether you are 55 or 60 \u2013 YOU are still their CHILDREN. An 80 years old parents will always consider their 60 year old child as \u201ca Baby\u201d because THEY ARE PARENTS. You should be glad that you still have parents that love you. It is important for you to come visit your parents often and get to know them better as time goes fast, someday you may feel sorry that you miss the opportunity when they are still alive.<\/p>\n

I believe that staying close to your parents is a way to understand yourself at a very deep level. As I mentioned in my previous writing, your parents and you are from different generation and there is a gap between the two. To bridge that gap, you need time and a lot of understanding. That is not something you are going to understand today or next week, or even next year because it WILL NOT happen. You DO NOT REALLY KNOW your parents until you become parents yourselves. I do not know how to explain this better so my advise is you should be very mindful of what make you angry. The basis of what angry you will give you the insight into who you are and who you are going to be in relationship later on.<\/p>\n

I believe that every fault you currently find in your parents, you will act exactly the same way towards your children. I am sure your children will probably feel the same when they grown up as you are growing old. It is easy to think that you will act differently, but when you became parents you will act exactly like your parents today. The simple reason is because you DO care and LOVE your children. It doesn\u2019t really matter if you choose to act like that or not, everything that you think now you WILL act differently later because all your reactions to your parents are happening within yourself. The more that you can be mindful about your emotion today the more you will understand yourself better and that is the process of \u201cMaturing\u201d.<\/p>\n

Please consider this: Your parents love you, they take care of you, raise you and support you. Your parents do NOT expect anything from you except just be \u201ctheir son\u201d. Your degree in computer science and your management job in a software company are NOTHING compare to the love of your parents. DO NOT mistaken what you have achieved as more important than the love of your parents. You are NOT a \u201cgrown up\u201d if you do NOT understand \u201cLove\u201d. No one can love if they do NOT receive love and you do not know how to love if you are not loved. You need to know that you are loved by your parents, you should also understand that their love is unconditional and never in your life that you can love them more than they love you. That is a fact.<\/p>\n

Our culture always consider filial to parents as the most important thing in life, do NOT forget it. What you learn in technology will last few years as technology will change, what you have achieved will also change as position will change with time but our culture, our heritage that has lasted thousand years will NOT change. The love of parents to their children will NEVER change. As an \u201cGrown up\u201d you should have the wisdom to know the difference.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

T\u00f4i nh\u1eadn \u0111\u01b0\u1ee3c m\u1ed9t email t\u1eeb m\u1ed9t ng\u01b0\u1eddi ph\u00e1t tri\u1ec3n ph\u1ea7n m\u1ec1m: \u201cT\u00f4i th\u00edch blog c\u1ee7a th\u1ea7y nh\u01b0ng kh\u00f4ng \u0111\u1ed3ng \u00fd v\u1edbi quan \u0111i\u1ec3m c\u1ee7a … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[31],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2736","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-cac-van-de-khac"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2736","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2736"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2736\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2738,"href":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2736\/revisions\/2738"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2736"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2736"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/science-technology.vn\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2736"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}